


Void

by mithrel



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Blanket Permission, Gen, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-27
Updated: 2009-07-27
Packaged: 2017-10-30 02:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/326555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack’s thoughts after Day Five.  My attempt to deal with what he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Void

After it’s all over, after the 456 have gone and Alice has turned from him in revulsion, Jack finds a soundproofed room and shoots himself in the head.

When he comes to he does it again, and again, until he’s run out of bullets.

He kills himself in every way that won’t attract attention–drowning, jumping off buildings, overdosing on drugs–repeatedly, hoping desperately that this time it will work and he’ll _stay_ dead and not have to live with himself anymore.

It doesn’t.

He finally gives up. He’s done horrible things before, lost people before, people he cared about. But he can’t take it anymore. He lost Ianto and then killed his own grandson to save the world. His daughter will hate him for the rest of her life, but that’s alright, since he’ll hate himself for the rest of his life, which may well be forever.

He doesn’t know why Ianto loved him. He didn’t, doesn’t deserve his love, doesn’t deserve anyone’s love. He certainly didn’t deserve to love him.

Six months later, he leaves. He’s been on Earth too long, he can’t stay. He’s lost everything, and no matter where he goes, every child he sees will remind him of Steven, every time he looks at Gwen he’ll think, _Why is she alive and not Ianto?_

It may be a cowardly thing to do, but he’s never claimed to be brave.


End file.
